Digital Press Products

Christmastime is fast approaching!
Don't miss your opportunity to say "I care" with
a special clothing solution or magical item from Digital Press!!

DP Logo designer: Nikkita Bradette (Planit-B)

NOTE: If you don't see the picture, the item is currently unavailable. You may have already missed out! There is only so much arcane knowledge to go around, you know.

Magically Altered Teddy Bear:
We used arcane magic to shrink down this real live Canadian Grizzly Bear and lock him into permanent, temporal stasis. We did this just so you would have a "Teddy Bear" with the coolest logo ever on this shirt! That's a lot of effort. Don't disappoint us by not buying it now. Order Here
Very 80's Baseball Jersey:
Remember those wonderful 80's movies where some dork was wearing a baseball jersey and ultimately was ridiculed by the football team and its cheerleaders? Well now that can be YOU! Except that you won't be ridiculed. And you're not a dork. And it's not the 80's anymore. Hmm, it's quite different, really. Order Here

Success-inducing T-shirt:
Ever meet a person who owns an official DP T-shirt? Of course you haven't. You know why? Because they're incredibly popular and busy solving the world's problems and chatting with supermodels and various celebrities. That sort of thing commonly happens to an owner of a DP T-shirt. So. What will you do next? Order Here
Cross-gender T-shirt:
Don't let first glances fool you! This incredible item is great for girls AND for boys! Finally, a shirt that supports man-boobs and looks damn sexy on females as well! Never again will you feel awkward in your attire. Let Digital Press nestle your breastal region in complete comfort! Order Here

World Tour Boxing Shorts:
You've just completed your quest for glory and are now the WBA/WBC Heavyweight Champion of the World, but a problem: all of your shorts are now sweaty and permanently soiled! Digital Press to the rescue! These snappy boxers are perfect for wearing as you deliver that final blow to your unworthy opponents. They're pretty OK for just wearing under clothes too, we think. Order Here
"The Commander" Thong:
Common problem: you're really hot but are lacking that "signature" that distinguishes you from every other girl who wears a thong. Problem solved! Show your man who's in charge by adorning your most intimate of areas with the official DP Products logo! When he sees our spiffy mascot "Space Fury Guy" glaring at him, he'll never forget you!

And if you're one of those sick MALE bastards who wears a thong, well... we have nothing more to say to you. Order Here

"Size S... for SMACKDOWN!" T-shirt:
We like to solve problems here at Digital Press. So you say you're only 1.5' tall and most of the major clothiers simply don't cater to your diminutive (we say "efficient") stature? Problem solved: show those bigguns that you're HUGE in spirit by beating them down in your Digital Press "efficiently-sized" T-shirt! One bite to the ankles and they'll start seeing things at your level (no pun intended). Note: also fine for toddlers. Order Here
"Never Eat Alone" Lunchbox:
So there you are, another lonely lunch hour in the cafeteria. All the cool people seem too busy to invite you to join them, seats are suddenly "taken" as you approach, and let's not even discuss the glances you get as you walk past the cute girls chatting it up on their lunch break.

Suddenly, you break out the Digital Press lunchbox, and you are transformed into "Coolest Lunch Mate in the Room"! Behold, as cute girls are suddenly magnetized to your classic stainless steel lunchbox! Now YOU decide who gets to spend a lunch hour with you and who can sit in a corner somewhere wishing they were near you and your lunchbox! Order Here

Magical Dwarven Stein:
Everything tastes better in a "Digital Press 2002 Official Commemorative Limited Edition Lager, Ale, and Beer Stein (tm)"! Even the blandest, lightest, and cholesterol-free grog suddenly takes on a life of its own when you drink from this! And the buzz you get from alcohol imbibed from this very special Stein... WOW! How's that done, you ask? It's a secret handed down from our magical dwarven ancestors who abandoned their lives of magic to seek true happiness mining ore in the Caves of Zendor. Good thing they wrote that secret down first, that's all we have to say. Order Here
Mouse Landscape:
Treat your mouse the way it was meant to be treated. In sheer splendor! You'll feel your usually ordinary mouse shiver and beam with delight as it rolls graciously across the terra firma of this very special mouse pad. It's more than a mouse pad, really. It's a vast, rolling expanse of freedom for your mouse. Let it romp and play! Roll, little mouse, roll! Order Here

Cooking and Dancing Attire:
Finally, someone has made an apron that's both practical AND stylish! That's right, this kitchen garment is suitable for both cooking a fine stew AND having a night on the town. You'd be surprised the interesting people you meet at clubs when you dance Para Para-style in one of these fine vestments. And never has the saying "kiss the chef" ever needed to be said less than now, as you serve up a big meatloaf while donning this spectacular item. Order Here
Terrestrial Cranium Travel Accessory:
At long last, a carry-on bag perfectly sized to stow a human head! Developed by alien scientists after countless millenia of research and genocide, this sturdy sack is constructed with only the finest extra-terrestrial fabrics. Emblazoned onto the side is the logo of Digital Press, a well-known alien research center based on planet "Earth"! Spare yourself the embarrassment of storing a head under your quadra-tentacle or unsafely tucked into your ass-pouch. This sack was designed just for your travel comfort! Note: human head not included. Order Here

Safety Mug w/Enviro-Protect Technology:
How many times have you been driving along making a mess all over yourself as you attempt to sip hot coffee from a mug or poorly constructed (and enviromentally destructive, we might add) styro cup? You probably say to yourself "if only someone would make a sturdy 'travel mug' that I could safely sip from, my life would be complete"! Digital Press to the rescue! This is in fact, a very sturdy mug which we will guarantee safe sipping from. In fact, you can gulp or even chug from this baby! Act now and get the official DP logo stamped into the side of it, proving that you're not only safe and environmentally conscious but also a little off-center. Chicks love all of that. Order Here

NO LONGER AVAILABLE!

 "Night Owl" Urban Headwear:
Show everyone that you're a REAL urban champion by donning this official DP urban ski cap. This item's extra length allows you to pull it far over your face, and if you cut holes strategically, you can't even see them when it's rolled up! Best of all, you can use this spacious cap to hold as much as $5000 in small unmarked bills, and it doesn't weigh you down as you scale large fences or splash through shallow streams! Order Here

NO LONGER AVAILABLE!

 "The Creator" Evergreen Ornament:
Deck the halls with Digital Press! A little known Christmas fact: long before the birth of Jesus, aliens came to this tiny world and planted Earth's only evergreen tree. The rest, as they say, is history. We don't even need to get started on how that star in the east was actually our "Space Fury Guy" ship beckoning three wise men. We'll get into that next Christmas.

Show your appreciation for your "Christmas Tree" by decorating it with the visage of the alien commander who invented it! That's right, only 10 Earth dollars. Order Here
NEW STUFF! We've got loads more goodies right HERE!

Digital Press has been producing a bi-monthly fanzinetargeting the gamer/collector since 1991. Unlike the Guide, the regular issuesalso include game reviews and commentary on contemporary systems such as thePS2, Xbox and GameCube. The team includes a dozen writers who, like crackbabies, have been hopelessly addicted - to video games - since birth.

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Last updated: Saturday, April 23, 2005 07:48 AM