Double Dragon wins a Special Congratulation! Award for the Most
Useless Secrets. This was the only game where most of your time was taken up with finding
programming glitches. Every now and then, there would be a helpful fluke, and the bad guy
would bounce through a wall and off the screen, but most times, Double Dragon would just
decide that no more characters need their left legs for the rest of the game. To the left is the very effective Ultra Spider Man Secret where Billy Lee can walk up and down the wall. I usually get stuck at this point of the game since I lose all my lives playing on the wall while the timer goes down to zero. But it's really useful. When he's up there, he is completely immune to the attacks of the purple afroed women. And if you hit your buttons, you make a face and fall. Billy Lee is a crafty fighter. |
Judging by this green piece of trash Billy's holding, I don't think this secret was intentional. |
The best secret is the Super Ending Weapon Move. Normally, Double Dragon doesn't allow you to keep a weapon if you've had it for more than 12 seconds, but in the last room, everything gets screwed up. If you take the mop haired kung fu guy's knife and pick it up on the fourth cycle of his death blink, it turns into a mangled purple golf club thing. And if you can survive an assault from two more of the unfortunately dressed female villains, and pick up the golf club on the fourth blink, it turns into a thing that looks like a Mario pipe. When you drop it, it looks more like a lawn chair. It's here where you think you've reached the limit of weapon power. But no, if you can use your lawn-chair-Mario-pipe to defeat the down syndrome twins and do the same blinky pick up thing, you receive what looks like it could be a purple sausage or a leg. Now you just have to do it again on the Pink Machine Gun Warrior to get the ultimate weapon. It looks like a half-invisible swirly-painted cardboard box. And if that isn't the god damn coolest video game secret ever, I have to rethink my entire outlook on life. |
This crap I'm swinging is almost worth the trouble it took for me to get it. |